Housing Bubble Humor - Real Estate Dictionary

From the folks at Washington State University, in the Department of Mathematics of all places, has a listing of real estate terminology. I thought with the current state of the housing market, it might be time to inject a little humor into the situation:

"It took me a considerable amount of time to learn the true meaning of phrases used in real estate ads. I offer the following dictionary for the benefit of those who search for a house and want to save their precious time.

• Old charmer - an old and ugly house
• Stunning house - the house is not ugly
• Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
• Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
• Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two busy streets
• Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street close to freeway
• Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
• Meticulously maintained in the original condition - the appliances are 50 years old
• Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
• Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
• Ready to move in - the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
• Desirable neighborhood - this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
• 1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
• In-city living - it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
• Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been painted and has a faucet
• Large family room - large basement
• Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1' by 2' window
• Lots of storage space - basement too small to be called a family room
• Partial mountain view - you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
• Territorial view - good view of your neighbor's bedroom window
• Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
• Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
• Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time"

Related Posts:
Housing Bubble Humor
How NOT to Beat the Housing Bubble
How to Beat the Bursting Housing Bubble

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